How I don’t want my own babies

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What if you could go back and talk to the pre-mama version of you. Would you give her fair warning about what’s to come, complete with survival tips and tricks? Or simply stay silent and let her waltz into motherhood with an oversized pair of rose-tinted glasses? 

For me, as a woman who works in the maternity space with no babies, I know too much to ever be able to play the ‘ignorance is bliss’ card. I’m reminded daily of what’s lurking around the baby corner, everything from cracked nipples to poonami explosions (and that’s just week 1!). And even though I have the know-how and experience to face all the baby hurdles head-on… there’s something standing in the way. I don’t want to.

I don’t want my own babies

“So you’re telling me Millie that you’re a Motherhood Journey Coach… who doesn’t want children?”. I get that what I’m saying can feel jarring. It’s kinda like being vegan and working the grill at a BBQ smokehouse. It’s a little hard to get your head around. But, hear me out. 

It’s often assumed that being good with babies, having a nurturing spirit and energy, automatically means you’ll find raising a child a breeze. But, for me, having the added pressure of “you’ll be amazing when it’s your turn” and being overexposed to all the nitty gritty details of motherhood, has only heightened my fears of my own journey.

How motherhood changes you

It’s the ‘what ifs’ that worry me the most. What if something happens to my baby? What if my relationships take a hit beyond repair? What if it doesn’t come naturally? What will happen to this Millie, the one who’s typing these words into existence? So, I thought it would be an exercise of catharsis to get all my worries and future realities out onto the page, because if I’m thinking about it right now, then you might be too whether you’re prepping for motherhood or in the thick of it.

Motherhood & relationships

Fear: Relationships with your friends, your partner, even your bloody accountant, will change when you have a baby. Not always for the worse, but they will have to adapt in order to flourish. Because priorities have changed now and no matter how much you try to deny it, so have you. 

My takeaway: Be better at communicating with those around you, set clear expectations and boundaries to build a support network you can rely on. 

Motherhood & self-care

Fear: There’s been a huge shift in your identity and you’re struggling to figure out who you even are now you’ve got the ‘mum’ badge. 

My takeaway: Make a list of all the things you looked forward to doing pre-baby, from the small stuff like listening to your guilty pleasure podcast to the big stuff like holidays. Now find a way to incorporate these things into your life, now. Be creative and find ways to add snapshots of self-care into your daily routine.

Motherhood & support

Fear: Everyone always says ‘it takes a village’ but now the baby is here, the frozen lasagnas have been long-demolished, and I haven’t had a ‘how are you’ text from my bff in weeks let alone an offer for babysitting. 

My takeaway: Look for help, don’t wait for help to find you. Seek out healthcare professionals, organisations and like-minded mothers who can relate to how you’re feeling. When you find the right support group, you’ll be able to say all those things that are taking up space in your head without fear of being judged or ridiculed.

Want tailor-made advice?

Book in a 1:1 session with me and we can talk about anything that’s on your mind.